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| Venice Beach. Hiyoooooo. |
Location: LA
I apologize. The other night (the last entry) I had nothing to write about. I phoned it in. I just felt like I should be writing something. And I am, it's just in the behind-the-scenes journal and I'll probably get my ass sued if I uncovered it here, but it is in the works.
So the last entry was a dud, and I wish I couldn't see how many people read this blog, because then on top of a really crappy day, I wouldn't have to see that two-thirds of the people who usually read each entry skipped the last one. So I get it: don't write it and don't say if it's not honest.
So to be honest, I felt like crap today. I did go for a ride and it was sunny and beautiful as LA has been coming through on that front lately, but I miss my friends, and I feel them fading away. That phenomena is not unusual or unexpected, but its not awesome either. When you get to the point when you talk to your friends and its "whats new" and the answer is "not much" and you know very well that isn't the case, well, you've jumped the gap and you're missing that daily something-in-common to talk about.
And soon enough, you wonder where they all went.
There is a three hour difference, and that's a barrier, but there is more to it than that. I think the perception is that I am just fucking living it up and pounding out some miles on the bike, and drinking some beers and pulling in chicks and why check in with me? When the reality is I'm lonely today and perhaps I need a shout out every once in a while as well.
Maybe it's LA, maybe it's that I'm stagnant, maybe it's that I'm feeling guilty about leaving my business, and maybe it's just that January 7th, 2012 doesn't seem to want to blow wind at my back, and it's probably mostly my own projections, and maybe it's that I forget that my friends have jobs and wives and children and duties and I have none, and it's surely all of them combined.
I'm feeling a little squeezed dry and my mental bank has had maybe a few too many withdrawals lately. And I'm not complaining, the proceeds went out for good reasons and I was happy to see them go, but I also need to realize when I'm tapped. And that is now.
Tonight, love is in the air in LA. I was at Finn McCool's after I had a couple of hot dogs from a food truck on Main Street in Santa Monica. There was a couple at the bar, and the girl just could not keep herself from kissing the guy. She wasn't drunk and it wasn't obnoxious, but it was so beautiful to watch, and I did watch quite a bit. I could only see so much because I had to look through the beer taps, but there was something about the way that she looked at him and that they were wholly unaware of anyone else around them. I couldn't avert my eyes.And then when I got in my car to come home, I saw two more couples kissing on the street. And again, not in a get-a-room kind of way. I pulled over to watch the third couple, and this may be as creepy as it sounds but I didn't feel that way; it was more like watching two very old people in love holding hands, or maybe seeing a romantic love story in reality.
They hugged each-other but did not move or sway or pat or squeeze ass, they just hugged and the hug was long and sincere. I think it was just great to see some sincere connections occurring in a town that is generally devoid of it, at least from the outside looking in.
I remember a Swiss guy that I met in Koh Samui, Thailand, about ten years ago. This dude was the hug king. Taught me everything I know about it's power and also how frightened people can be of it. He just loved a good solid hug. The kind where you melt into it and you dont think about if their hands are touching the part where you feel fat and it's not at all sexual and you take deep breaths and everything goes slo-mo.
I think one of those hugs in my very near future just might do the trick.
