Annie, Are You OK?

I’m feeling very angsty. There is a cloud over me and I can’t outsmart it. I know the cloud is dumb and incapable of strategy but it keeps finding me, no matter how many hours I spend on my bike. It finds me even in my dreams.

Sometimes I give up the care that it is there, because I know that clouds will sometimes form, despite my protests, and that they will travel with the wind, and that the wind is always consistent in its pressing, pushing the cloud as it pushes me, but this wind is in my face, not so hard that I can’t breath, but enough to be annoying. I wish it would go away. But this wind is committed to something, and I can’t make sense of its persistence. I tell it that it is just a cloud, that no one cares about it, that no one likes it, that all of us would prefer that it not block out the sun, but it just dangles there and makes no offer to its intention.

I mentioned it to my friend the other day during a phone call. He too, was confounded by its resolve. I wonder what it could want with you, he asked?  Maybe my luck has begun to run thin, I suggest, maybe the winds no longer find me in their favor, maybe a lesson is to be learned. But what lesson? What have I done wrong? Everything I have done benefited the other first, and I have never put myself in the front of the line. How does this cloud see it fit to rain on me and never let me dry, not for a second?

Let us examine this, he says. A cloud is temporary, for one. And so is the sun, one could argue, burning the way it does. And a cloud can blot out the sun, yes it can, but only until the sun dries it up. The sun will always beat a cloud.

Yes, that helps. Thank you, I say. But I long for the sun to take control a little quicker, and the winds to change more rapidly, because I feel that not only is my head wet, and my feet tired from walking against it, but my heart too, is giving up. Sometimes I feel like my heart is simply tacking and gibing against a sea that hides a rogue wave destined to take it deep down to its cold sand, and bury it beneath the tow.

No, he says. The cloud, the wind, the sea, they are there to remind you of YOU! 
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